This is a frequently asked question. How do I start writing my memoir? Where do I start? Our minds are full of memories and stories. Which one should we start with? Do I need a plan? How do I structure my memories? Should I join a writing group or find a memoir coach?
The question of how and where to start can feel so overwhelming that many simply give up and put off the idea. Yet, here you are in my class, wanting to share and make sense of your precious life. Good. Hang in there. The fact that you’re reading this suggests you’re serious about getting started. I’ve got a few tips that might help you.
Memoir vs. autobiography
First, it’s important to differentiate between an autobiography and a memoir. An autobiography is an account of your entire life from birth up until the current time. A memoir focuses on a specific experience, event, or transition in your life: overcoming an illness, the breakdown of your marriage, a move into a new career, looking back on an important accomplishment or change of some kind during which you experienced a transformation.
The Memoir Formula
My memoir coach Marion Roach Smith offers a sort of algorithm or formula that can help. “My memoir is about A as illustrated by B to be shared in a C.
A = is the universal theme or idea that your story reveals
B = is your specific experience told in story form
C = is where you are going to share the story (i.e. in a book, a private notebook, as a legacy document for the family, as a podcast, a personal essay, etc.)
Example: My memoir is about learning to let go of an old story in order to become who I was meant to be as illustrated by my transition from an academic to becoming a travelling storyteller to be published in a collection of short stories.
Start with a Scene
I recommend that my students begin not by thinking in terms of chapters but in terms of scenes. Pick one turning point, one pressure that you faced, or one question that your life keeps circling around. A memoir needs focus, and it usually starts at the beginning of the story, not at birth.
After my father died, I found myself wanting to write about our relationship, but where should I begin? I wanted the story to be about a son overcoming his anger and resentment of his father as illustrated by the time I spent with him in hospital when he was dying. I envisioned the story becoming the basis for a one-man performance on stage.
After considering a lot of scenes, I settled on a scene from the hospital during the final hours of his life as the place where I would begin. That scene opened with my anger at his inability to communicate with me and ended with a brief connection between us that was conveyed in a gesture of gallows humour.
Taking the First Steps
A good first step:
Write a one-sentence focus for the book. Use Roach-Smith’s algorithm or formula above.
List 10 scenes that shaped that focus.
Pick the 3 scenes with the most emotional charge.
Write one scene in full, with details, dialogue, and action.
Put the rest aside for now.
You do not need the perfect opening first. Many memoir writers gather material first, then decide where the book begins after they know the shape of the story. If you get stuck, write the version of your life story you always tell, then go deeper and ask what changed, what was lost, and what was learned. Remember, that readers want to see your transformation. Memoir is essentially about what happened and how you were changed by what happened and how it’s contributed to who you are today.
Focus on a Moment or Event
For a memoir coach-style start, ask these three questions:
- What event changed me?
- Why does this story matter now?
- Who is this for?
A simple first page exercise helps:
Write about one ordinary day that sits close to your bigger story.
Stay with one scene. Use specific sensory detail. End with a small shift, a question, or a new realization.
Working with Writing Prompts
Starting small is why I use writing prompts. A prompt can help the mind discern what is important within a particular context and time restraint. I usually suggest prompts of 7-minutes. I find relatively short time restrictions keep the inner critic at bay. I urge my students to keep the pen moving or the fingers typing. Trust that what needs to come out, will come.
I’m not suggesting you use prompts to write your entire memoir (although I’m sure it could be done) but my students find them useful to get tucked into their memories and begin sorting out what might be useful later on. The writing is more spontaneous and doesn’t require a lot of scaffolding beyond what the prompt asks for.
Your goal at the start is not structure. Your goal is material. Write enough to find the true spine of the memoir, then shape it afterward. It’s like a sculptor throwing down a mound of wet clay. The sculptor begins to move it about shaping it, getting an idea of what will work and what won’t. He or she begins to take some of the clay away or move it about adding it somewhere else until a shape forms in the mind. Eventually, the whole will emerge.
So, start with a moment and let the moment guide you. Enjoy the journey and let the destination take care of itself.
If you’re interested in getting started on your memoir or personal essay, explore my resources and courses at the Memoir Studio. If not already, become a paid subscriber and receive weekly writing prompts, tips, and techniques to support your writing practice.
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